X-MEN APOCALYPSE Review: Why Can’t They All Be Like DEADPOOL?


Only MILD SPOILERS  ahead. There’s nothing here that you couldn’t surmise from the trailer.

Even as a huge Comic Book Movie Fan who has Marvel leanings, X-Men is one of those franchises I’ve never really cared for. X-2  is fine, I do really like First Class, but Days of Future Past and The Wolverine are simply okay. The 1st X-Men ages terribly, while  X-Men 3: The Last Stand and X-Men: Wolverine Origins are completely unwatchable. Deadpool is by the far the best film in Fox’s X-Men Universe, but that’s because it’s the only film that doesn’t feel stale and clichéd. (Did I miss any?)

That being said, I don’t feel I have a mutant prejudice. I want these movies to be good, I really do.  Deadpool  and First Class (and The Wolverine… sort of…) proved that these characters can work, but only when they are treated as unique, genre films that avoid the generic superhero formula that the other X-Men films follow. Deadpool was a whole new spin on the superhero genre as a whole; a deconstruction of the genre, if you will. First Class used Pre-Magneto Erik Lehnsherr (Michael Fassbender) as a Bond type assassin, hunting down Nazi’s before the film slipped into classic origin story territory. The Wolverine had limited mutants and was more Samurai movie than Superhero.xmen0002Even the best of the other 6 X-Men movies were average superhero films that brought nothing new to the table; not terrible (Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine were terrible, actually), but not  memorable either, repeating storylines like the Weapon X program, the antagonistic “friendship” between Professor X and Magneto, and “love” triangle between Wolverine, Cyclops, and Jean Grey. Unfortunately, the latest outing, X-Men: Apocalypse is no exception, repeating yet again, many of these same story beats.

Repetition is what hits Apocalypse the hardest. Part of the problem is that the original X-Men trilogy and X-Men Origins: Wolverine used up many interesting characters just to cram new mutants into every movie, without any thought or plan put in place to continue their storyline like what Marvel has done with even minor characters like Scarlet Witch and Vision. They’re using Storm, Cyclops, and Jean Grey again? Yup, but this time it’s the origin (groan…). Haven’t I seen Nightcrawler, Angel, and Havok before? Again, yes, but they were one dimensional characters abandoned in the sequels that followed their initial appearance. X-Men Apocalypse Review Michael Fassbender as Magneto ErikAs alluded to earlier with my comments about Magneto having an almost 007 like adventure in the 1st half of First Class, I’ve always found Michael Fassbender’s version to be  the most interesting character in the X-Men Movie Universe (aside from ANY character from Deadpool), but here he has nothing to do. Sure, we see him with a new family that he loses (he says it right in the trailer to James McAvoy’s Professor Charlies Xavier in the trailer, so that ain’t a spoiler!), but how is this new trauma necessary when we’ve seen him losing his mother at Auschwitz twice before (with flashbacks again in this movie, for a 3rd go around)? Fassbender’s version of Magneto has been less interesting each film he’s in, so at this point his decision to go with the bad guy, and his on-again/off-again friendship with Charles are incredibly overplayed and uninteresting.

But Magneto’s just the tip of the iceberg: the film has a giant villain problem (and that’s not a reference to Apocalypse growing giant in the trailer). These bad guys are boring. Angel (Ben Hardy), Psylocke (Olivia Munn), and Storm (Alexandra Shipp) might as well not be in the movie at all. They’re left with nothing to do but pose during the dull and uninspired action scene that finally ends the film. X-Men Apocalypse Review All the VillainsEven worse, Apocalypse is just a boring villain, plain and simple. He wants to create a world where only Mutants survive? I haven’t seen that in about half the X-Men movies already…  Oscar Isaac does nothing to elevate the part, easily making this his worst film (because he’s usually so great!). And what exactly are his super powers? I’ve seen the movie but I couldn’t tell you what he can do and what he can’t.

The heroes are stronger than the villains, as far as characterization and giving them something to do, but even this department is repetitive as hell. Oh no, Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) can’t control her powers, just the same as X-Men and X-2, and she’s not even given an origin (thankfully?). We see nearly the exact same scene of Scott Summers/Cyclops (Tye Sheridan) getting his powers that was in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. And though I couldn’t wait for the Wolverine scene from the end of the final trailer for X-Men: Apocalypse, it did give us the most animalistic version of the character, but it’s literally the same Weapon X escape we’ve seen twice before!X-Men Apocalypse Review Wolverine Hugh JackmanI apologize for repeating myself, but this movie is completely repetitive on every level and I guess I want to drive that point home. Oh boy, another Quicksilver scene set to a rock song. There’s Jenifer Lawrence using her star power to avoid the Blue Paint, negating the lesson she learned in First Class about being comfortable showing her true, blue self.  Oh, but here’s something new… we’ve never seen Professor X’s hair literally fall out of his head. That’s about as fresh as this movie gets.

Simply put, Apocalypse is not a bad movie, but it gives us nothing new and suffers from a weak villain and incredibly weak action. Director Bryan Singer is doing the bare minimum to bring you a safe Superhero Film that doesn’t take any risks or attempt to subvert the genre. This is the superhero genre at its most generic.

So, I will continue to wait until Fox can show me on the screen, what makes these characters so interesting in a comic panel. Except for Deadpool. Did I say I liked Deadpool? I like Deadpool.

5_Star_Rating_System_2_stars

 

X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST Trailer 2!


X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE past is looking to be one of the better films in the X-MEN franchise. It takes the characters from my favorite X-MEN film, FIRST CLASS, and mashes them together with an apocalyptic future and… The Wolverine! Since FIRST CLASS and THE WOLVERINE are my favorite X-flicks (the rest really don’t do anything for me), it will be fun to have Logan interacting with the likes of young Erik aka Magneto (the incomparable Michael Fassbender).

X-Men Days of Future Past PosterIt is also nice to see Fox has decided to take specific storylines from the comics, like Wolverine’s trip to Japan previously, a trend that is begining to become the norm (CAPTAIN AMERICA: WINTER SOLDIER anyone?).

It’s still a shame these films are in Fox’s X-Men universe and not part of the official Marvel Studios’  “Marvel Cinematic Universe” (MCU). How will we ever see an epic (and improved) version of AVENGERS VS. X-MEN. The MCU has always felt strange without the mutants the superheroes share the world with in the comics.

But enough about rambling, check out the 2nd, even better than the 1st, trailer for Bryan Singers’ X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST.

Continue reading “X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST Trailer 2!”

X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST Trailer


Another great X-MEN trailer!

(And this time it isn’t Pete Holmes firing an ‘Ex-Men’.)

The one time Wolverine was allowed to say 'Fuck.'
The one time Wolverine was allowed to say ‘Fuck.’

Unfortunately, trailers for all the X-MEN movies have looked amazballs, but only X-MEN: FIRST CLASS has delivered. Which is odd, because Wolverine is the best of the X-Men, and he is literally in FIRST CLASS for a single line.

THE WOLVERINE was okay, but it still doesn’t hold a candle to FIRST CLASS.

Perhaps, combining the best X-Men cast, that of FIRST CLASS, with some extreme Wolverine action will be the perfect cocktail.

My favorite of the X-Men actors, Michael Fassbender as Magneto.
My favorite of the X-Men actors, Michael Fassbender as youthful Magneto.

Continue reading “X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST Trailer”

Pete Holmes Fires WOLVERINE and Tackles BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN


Pete Holmes.

Again, I come to you, bringing tidings of Pete Holmes, who will soon have his own show, THE PETE HOLMES SHOW, premiering on Monday, October 28th, on TBS (a channel that really doesn’t know funny at all… yet).

Batman Vs. SupermanI am not paid to promote Pete Holmes (any accusations would be ridiculous for a website with such low readership); I am just a giant fan, both of his BADMAN videos and his excellent Podcast that puts Marc Maron’s WTF to shame, YOU MADE IT WEIRD WITH PETE HOLMES. His E*Trade baby ain’t too terrible either.

While ramping up for the impending premiere of his show, Pete Holmes has put up two hilarious sketches, both from the comic universe; taking pot shots at Marvel and DC.

First, Pete Holmes returns as Batman in his ‘Teaser’ for BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN.

A video I wished to embed here, but doesn’t seem to work… in any browser. So CLICK HERE TO SEE IT!

Not his best appearance as Batman (see GOOD WILL HUNTING with Batfleck), but still, not bad. I really do owe my own impression of Christian Bale’s Batman to the one, the only, Pete Holmes!

His greater sketch of late, has to do with a metal Marvel hero with a love of the expression, ‘Bub.’

Continue reading “Pete Holmes Fires WOLVERINE and Tackles BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN”